We live in an age where there is much emphasis on the validity of doing what we want to do, on the importance of being assertive about what is right for us. We're taught that we should only make choices that feel good, we should live the dream. And indeed, all these points are crucial in being true to ourselves.
But equally, personal responsibility also means having balance in life, being aware of the requirement to co-exist harmoniously with others. It's important not to lose sight of the bigger picture, the fact that there are often other people in the picture too, who live alongside us and who also have their own needs, wishes and rights. Sharing, doing things together, working out a schedule may well require negotiation, compromise and a little selflessness.
And so, for a myriad of reasons, it can be good for us to do things we don't want to do sometimes:
- Doing things we don't want to do sometimes takes us out of our comfort zone and ensures that we try new activities, places, meet people we perhaps might otherwise not have met. Whether it be ultimately a good or a bad experience we can feel proud that we have had a go at something new and different.
- It lets other people know that their wishes are being listened to and are being considered as valid and worthwhile. Being inflexible and adamant that we only ever do what we want to do may sound fine in principle but realistically it can be good to share in each others lives and interests. Even if we only occasionally agree to do something we don't want to do and join them in their activities, it's good to convey to our partner that we're sufficiently interested in spending time together doing what they want to do sometimes. It demonstrates empathy, support and a willingness to work at the relationship.
- It can be a good lesson in life to introduce restraint and do something other that what we want to do at times. Personal discipline is an important life skill and we need to be able to cope appropriately with refusal, rejection, not getting our own way all the time. We need to be able to react in an adult manner, with good grace and humility when we effectively meet a brick wall, a dead-end and things do not go our way.
- An act of kindness and selflessness can demonstrate respect and support for a friend, colleague or neighbour. By making time to do something you don't want to do but they do, you make a valuable gesture, especially when it's to help with something that's of importance to them. Giving a little time, physical or emotional support or attention when they need it can mean far more than an expensive gift. Thoughtfulness and consideration are priceless.
It's important to remember that not everything in life is about us; other people have a right to consideration, fair play and having their turn. Doing things we don't want to do sometimes can be a way to demonstrate an adult level of humility, insight and sensitivity.
