I remember an occasion when I was flying long-haul. I was seated next to a businessman who was obviously traveling alone to a meeting. We started chatting and ended up discussing all sorts of things, reveling in the cocoon of our enforced, stranger proximity. We discussed the stresses of his work, how we felt about the various areas of our lives, the challenges we were each experiencing.
When we reached our destination we separated with an affectionate hug. In a relatively short space of time, our airplane world had become a special safe zone where we'd chatted and shared stories and confidences with ease. And that's not such an uncommon situation.
I've reflected on the power of sharing with a stranger and it's apparent that my experience is not especially unusual. A recent survey, commissioned by BUPA Health Clinics, has discovered that approximately 46% of Britons confide their secrets to people outside their home, many preferring to talk through their stress, sex and health worries first with work colleagues before revealing them to closer family members or partners.
- It's not as emotional. When we share with someone who's not invested in our story or its eventual outcome we can feel confident that we're more likely to receive a neutral, dispassionate response. People who are not directly affected or involved tend to be unbiased in their reactions to our choices and decisions. They'll have a more detached viewpoint and be able to weigh up different perspectives impartially.
- The discussion stays on point. We can focus on just one element of a situation without having to debate the history or any other peripheral factors which may be considered relevant or significant by those who know us well. Sometimes dedicating time to one aspect of a problem can shine a light on what is really going on, helping us explore and come to a better understanding of how we feel and what we want to do next.
- We can be who we want to be when we're talking with a stranger. If we adopt sufficient confidence and self-belief we can convey our desired persona, role play a part and live the aspired-to image of ourselves. When we're bogged down with everyday life it can erode those goals and aspirations, but when we're free of our mental constraints and practise stepping into who we want to be it can inspire us to live the dream and start to see a way forward. We can become inspired to then walk the walk.
- Anonymity can be appealing, especially if we're discussing something that we suspect would shock or cause concern to close friends or family. We can relax, knowing we're unlikely to ever see our stranger on the plane again. They're able to hear what we have to say from an unattached perspective. It's a temporary, time-limited exchange.
- Feeling free to be open and honest can mean that we're more relaxed about discussing a variety of issues and concerns. Dependent on the limited time available there may be opportunities to challenge, question and explore several scenarios, look at a 'what if' range of options.
- We're less attached to what a relative stranger thinks. Yes, our revelations may influence their opinion of us and make us feel somewhat vulnerable, but getting a stranger's advice or opinion can offer another viewpoint and introduce a calmer way of looking at what's going on.
- When we share our thoughts with a stranger we may not be looking for a solution. We may simply appreciate having time available to vent, air or work through a situation. Sometimes simply saying everything out loud can be enough to help us explore our issues and reach a more positive place.
- Having a sounding board can be very useful, as indeed can be watching a stranger's reaction to our words. There's often no judgement from a stranger, and it can be good to be listened to in a more accepting way. But equally the downside may be that we don't value what they have to say quite so much.
The power of sharing with a stranger can be the dedicated time and space it provides to be open about a situation or dilemma you're experiencing, to share your story with someone you'd never normally meet. Just be careful to ensure though that you're not going to both end up at the same venue afterwards!
